生活大爆炸-第一季-第一集-台词

1
00:00:01,217 --> 00:00:05,210
If a photon is directed through a plane
with two slits in it and either is observed...

2
00:00:05,388 --> 00:00:07,913
...it will not go through both.
If unobserved, it will.

3
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:11,322
If it's observed after it left the plane,
before it hits its target...

4
00:00:11,494 --> 00:00:14,327
-...it will not have gone through both slits.
-Agreed.

5
00:00:14,497 --> 00:00:15,623
What's your point?.

6
00:00:15,799 --> 00:00:18,768
There's no point,
I just think it's a good idea for a T-shirt.

7
00:00:24,307 --> 00:00:26,935
-Excuse me.
-Hang on.

8
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,340
One across is Aegean,
eight down is Nabokov.

9
00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:36,007
Twenty-six across is MCM.

10
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:37,244
Fourteen down is--

11
00:00:37,420 --> 00:00:39,251
Move your finger.

12
00:00:39,422 --> 00:00:42,255
--phylum, which makes 1 4 across
Port-au-Prince.

13
00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:47,686
See, Papa Doc's capital idea,
that's Port-au-Prince.

14
00:00:48,398 --> 00:00:49,956
Haiti.

15
00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:52,266
-Can I help you?.
-Yes.

16
00:00:54,604 --> 00:00:59,268
Um, is this the high-lQ sperm bank?.

17
00:01:00,176 --> 00:01:03,111
If you have to ask,
maybe you shouldn't be here.

18
00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,275
I think this is the place.

19
00:01:07,117 --> 00:01:08,448
-Fill these out.
-Thank you.

20
00:01:08,618 --> 00:01:10,779
-We'll be right back.
-Oh, take your time.

21
00:01:10,954 --> 00:01:13,616
I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.

22
00:01:14,224 --> 00:01:16,454
Oh, wait.

23
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:28,796
Leonard, I don't think I can do this.

24
00:01:28,972 --> 00:01:31,600
What, are you kidding?. You're a semipro.

25
00:01:32,242 --> 00:01:34,540
No. We are committing genetic fraud.

26
00:01:34,711 --> 00:01:37,908
There's no guarantee our sperm's
going to generate high-lQ offspring.

27
00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:39,105
Think about that.

28
00:01:39,282 --> 00:01:43,582
I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix
who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

29
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,881
Sheldon, this was your idea.

30
00:01:46,055 --> 00:01:49,252
A little extra money to get
fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment?.

31
00:01:49,425 --> 00:01:52,758
I know.
And I do yearn for faster downloads.

32
00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:56,298
There's some poor woman
who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.

33
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:59,458
What if she winds up with a toddler
who doesn't know if he should use...

34
00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:03,128
...a differential to solve for the area
under a curve?.

35
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:06,869
-I'm sure she'll still love him.
-I wouldn't.

36
00:02:08,444 --> 00:02:10,071
Well, what do you wanna do?.

37
00:02:10,246 --> 00:02:12,680
-I want to leave.
-Okay.

38
00:02:12,849

--> 00:02:15,044
-What's the protocol for leaving?.
-I don't know.

39
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,346
I've never reneged
on a proffer of sperm before.

40
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:20,722
Let's try just walking out.

41
00:02:21,591 --> 00:02:22,785
Okay.

42
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:33,926
-Bye.
-Bye-bye.

43
00:02:34,103 --> 00:02:35,536
Nice meeting you.

44
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:41,510
-Are you still mad about the sperm bank?.
-No.

45
00:02:42,312 --> 00:02:45,440
You wanna hear an interesting thing
about stairs?.

46
00:02:45,615 --> 00:02:47,014
Not really.

47
00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:50,175
If the height of a step is off
by as little as two millimeters...

48
00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:53,516
-...most people will trip.
-I don't care.

49
00:02:54,357 --> 00:02:56,188
Two millime--?. That doesn't seem right.

50
00:02:56,359 --> 00:02:58,884
It's true.
I did a series of experiments when I was 1 2.

51
00:02:59,062 --> 00:03:00,791
My father broke his clavicle.

52
00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:03,857
Is that why they sent you
to boarding school?.

53
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,729
No. That was the result
of my work with lasers.

54
00:03:12,876 --> 00:03:13,934
New neighbor?.

55
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,338
SHELDON:
Evidently.

56
00:03:15,511 --> 00:03:18,674
Significant improvement
over the old neighbor.

57
00:03:19,048 --> 00:03:22,643
Two-hundred pound transvestite
with a skin condition?. Yes, she is.

58
00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:25,747
Oh, hi.

59
00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:26,946
-Hi.
-Hi.

60
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,647
-Hi.
-Hi.

61
00:03:29,692 --> 00:03:31,284
Hi?.

62
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,123
We don't mean to interrupt.
We live across the hall.

63
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,696
Oh, that's nice.

64
00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:39,201
No. We don't live together. I mean...

65
00:03:39,369 --> 00:03:44,534
...we live together, but in separate,
heterosexual bedrooms.

66
00:03:45,108 --> 00:03:47,201
Okay, well, guess I'm your new neighbor.

67
00:03:47,377 --> 00:03:49,504
-Penny.
-Leonard. Sheldon.

68
00:03:49,679 --> 00:03:51,306
-Hi.
-Hi.

69
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,210
Hi.

70
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,175
Well....

71
00:03:56,552 --> 00:03:58,042
Oh, welcome to the building.

72
00:03:58,221 --> 00:04:00,553
Oh, thank you.
Maybe we can have coffee sometime.

73
00:04:00,723 --> 00:04:01,781
-Oh, great.
-Great.

74
00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:03,653
-Great.
-Great.

75
00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:06,826
Well, bye.

76
00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,964
-Bye.
-Bye.

77
00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:13,330
Should we have invited her for lunch?.

78
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,529
No. We're gonna start season two
of Battlestar Galactica.

79
00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,333
We already watched
the season two DVDs.

80
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,136
Not with commentary.

81
00:04:2

3,212 --> 00:04:24,907
I think we should be good neighbors.

82
00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:26,912
Invite her over, make her feel welcome.

83
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:30,747
We never invited Louie/Louise over.

84
00:04:31,287 --> 00:04:33,221
Well, and that was wrong of us.

85
00:04:33,389 --> 00:04:34,720
We need to widen our circle.

86
00:04:34,891 --> 00:04:37,917
I have a very wide circle.

87
00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:41,188
I have 21 2 friends on MySpace.

88
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:44,556
Yes, and you've never met one of them.

89
00:04:44,968 --> 00:04:46,526
That's the beauty of it.

90
00:04:48,838 --> 00:04:50,772
I'm gonna invite her over.

91
00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:53,670
We'll have a nice meal and chat.

92
00:04:53,843 --> 00:04:57,210
Chat?. We don't chat,
at least not off-line.

93
00:04:58,781 --> 00:04:59,941
Well, it's not difficult.

94
00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:01,743
You just listen to what she says...

95
00:05:01,918 --> 00:05:05,547
...and then you say something appropriate
in response.

96
00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:08,014
To what end?.

97
00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,219
-Hi. Again.
-Hi.

98
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,692
-Hi.
-Hi.

99
00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:15,387
Anyway...

100
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,625
...we brought home lndian food...

101
00:05:19,535 --> 00:05:21,594
...and I know that
moving can be stressful...

102
00:05:21,771 --> 00:05:23,966
...and I find
that when I'm undergoing stress...

103
00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:27,439
...that good food
and company can have a comforting effect.

104
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:32,446
Also, curry's a natural laxative and
I don't have to tell you that, you know...

105
00:05:32,615 --> 00:05:36,984
...a clean colon is just one less thing
to worry about.

106
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:41,017
I'm no expert,
but in the context of a lunch invitation...

107
00:05:41,190 --> 00:05:43,818
...you might wanna skip the reference
to bowel movements.

108
00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:46,158
Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?.

109
00:05:47,230 --> 00:05:48,254
Yes.

110
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,490
Oh, that's so nice. I'd love to.

111
00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:51,690
Great.

112
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:54,166
So, what do you guys do for fun
around here?.

113
00:05:54,804 --> 00:05:56,795
Well, today we tried masturbating
for money.

114
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,734
-Okay, well, make yourself at home.
-Okay.

115
00:06:26,903 --> 00:06:30,339
-Thank you.
-You're very welcome.

116
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,174
[MOUTHS]
You're very welcome.

117
00:06:33,676 --> 00:06:36,474
This looks like some serious stuff.
Leonard, did you do this?.

118
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:39,046
Actually, that's my work.

119
00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:40,604
Wow.

120
00:06:40,783 --> 00:06:43,183
Yeah, well, it's just some
quantum mechanics...

121
00:06:43,352

--> 00:06:47,186
...with a little string theory doodling
around the edges. That part's just a joke.

122
00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:50,587
It's a spoof of the Born-Oppenheimer
approximation.

123
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:54,986
So you're, like, one of those
Beautiful Mind genius guys.

124
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,589
Yeah.

125
00:06:58,601 --> 00:06:59,829
This is really impressive.

126
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,267
I have a board, if you like boards.
This is my board.

127
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,371
Holy smokes.

128
00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:08,840
If by "holy smokes," you mean
a derivative restatement of the stuff...

129
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:12,378
...you can find scribbled on the wall
of any men's room at MlT, sure.

130
00:07:12,982 --> 00:07:14,381
-What?.
-Oh, come on.

131
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:18,179
Who hasn't seen this differential below
"here I sit brokenhearted"?.

132
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:22,381
At least I didn't have to invent 26
dimensions just to make the math come out.

133
00:07:22,558 --> 00:07:25,322
-I didn't invent them. They're there.
-ln what universe?.

134
00:07:25,495 --> 00:07:27,292
In all of them, that is the point.

135
00:07:28,397 --> 00:07:30,126
Do you guys mind if I start?.

136
00:07:30,299 --> 00:07:31,926
-Penny.
-Yeah?.

137
00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,228
That's where I sit.

138
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:36,901
So sit next to me.

139
00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:42,368
-No, I sit there.
-What's the difference?.

140
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,105
-What's the difference?.
-Here we go.

141
00:07:45,281 --> 00:07:48,512
In winter, that seat is close enough
to the radiator to remain warm...

142
00:07:48,684 --> 00:07:50,879
...yet not so close
as to cause perspiration.

143
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:55,251
In the summer, it's in a cross breeze created
by opening windows there and there.

144
00:07:55,424 --> 00:07:59,520
It faces the television at an angle that is
neither direct, discouraging conversation...

145
00:07:59,695 --> 00:08:02,163
...nor so far wide
as to create a parallax distortion.

146
00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:06,392
I could go on,
but I think I've made my point.

147
00:08:08,704 --> 00:08:10,035
Do you want me to move?.

148
00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:12,037
-Well....
-Just sit somewhere else.

149
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,900
Fine.

150
00:08:33,629 --> 00:08:35,756
Sheldon, sit.

151
00:08:36,966 --> 00:08:38,331
Ah.

152
00:08:40,203 --> 00:08:43,468
-Well, this is nice.
-We don't have a lot of company over.

153
00:08:43,639 --> 00:08:46,199
That's not true.
Koothrappali and Wolowitz come over.

154
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:47,364
Yes, I know.

155
00:08:47,543 --> 00:08:49,943
Tuesday night we played Klingon Boggle
until 1 in the morning.

156
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,637
-Yeah, I remember.
-I resent you saying we don't have company.

157
00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:55,579
-That has a negative social implication.
-I said I'm sorry.

158
00:08:56,886 --> 00:08:58,046
So...

159
00:08:58,221 --> 00:08:59,586
...Klingon Boggle?.

160
00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:04,317
Yeah. It's like regular Boggle,
but in Klingon.

161
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,663
That's probably enough about us.
So tell us about you.

162
00:09:10,566 --> 00:09:12,124
Me?. Okay.

163
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,896
I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you
way more than you need to know.

164
00:09:16,072 --> 00:09:19,508
Yes, it tells us that you participate
in the mass cultural delusion...

165
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,735
...that the sun's position relative
to arbitrary constellations...

166
00:09:22,912 --> 00:09:26,177
...at the time of your birth
somehow affects your personality.

167
00:09:28,517 --> 00:09:30,144
Participate in the what?.

168
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,150
I think what Sheldon's trying to say...

169
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:35,051
...is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been
our first guess.

170
00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:37,920
Oh, yeah, a lot of people
think I'm a water sign.

171
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,424
Okay, let's see, what else?.

172
00:09:40,596 --> 00:09:41,620
Oh, I'm a vegetarian.

173
00:09:41,797 --> 00:09:45,858
No, except for fish,
and the occasional steak. I love steak.

174
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:48,903
Well, that's interesting.

175
00:09:49,071 --> 00:09:50,663
Leonard can't process corn.

176
00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:57,103
So do you have some sort of a job?.

177
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,304
PENNY:
Oh, yeah.

178
00:09:58,481 --> 00:10:00,472
I'm a waitress
at The Cheesecake Factory.

179
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,445
I love cheesecake.

180
00:10:02,618 --> 00:10:05,985
-You're lactose intolerant.
-I don't eat it, I think it's a good idea.

181
00:10:07,556 --> 00:10:09,387
Anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.

182
00:10:09,558 --> 00:10:12,994
It's about this sensitive girl who comes
to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska...

183
00:10:13,162 --> 00:10:17,360
...to be an actress and winds up
a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.

184
00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,662
So it's based on your life.

185
00:10:19,835 --> 00:10:21,826
No, I'm from Omaha.

186
00:10:25,408 --> 00:10:27,399
If that was a movie, I would go see it.

187
00:10:27,576 --> 00:10:28,770
I know, right?.

188
00:10:28,944 --> 00:10:30,673
Okay, let's see, what else?.

189
00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:33,843
I guess that's about it.

190
00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:36,647
That's the story of Penny.

191
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:38,811
Well, it sounds wonderful.

192
00:10:39,922 --> 00:10:41,355
It was.

193
00:10:41,524 --> 00:10:45,016
Until I fell in love with a jerk.

194
00:10:48,164 --> 00:10:49,529
What is happening?.

195
00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,690
[MOU

THS]
I don't know.

196
00:10:51,867 --> 00:10:54,097
Oh, God, you know,
four years I lived with him.

197
00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:57,433
Four years.
That's like as long as high school.

198
00:10:57,606 --> 00:11:00,097
It took you four years
to get through high school?.

199
00:11:02,044 --> 00:11:05,844
I just-- I can't believe I trusted him.

200
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:12,344
Should I say something?.
I feel I should say something.

201
00:11:12,521 --> 00:11:14,148
You?. No, you'll only make it worse.

202
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:16,518
You wanna know the most pathetic part?.

203
00:11:16,692 --> 00:11:20,219
Even though I hate his lying,
cheating guts...

204
00:11:20,396 --> 00:11:22,830
...I still love him.

205
00:11:22,998 --> 00:11:24,056
Is that crazy?.

206
00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:25,894
Yes.

207
00:11:27,303 --> 00:11:30,602
No, it's not crazy. It's a--

208
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,468
It's a paradox.

209
00:11:32,641 --> 00:11:36,008
Paradoxes are part of nature.
I mean, think about light.

210
00:11:36,178 --> 00:11:40,774
If you look at Huygens, light is a wave,
as confirmed by the double-slit experiments.

211
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,282
But then, along comes Albert Einstein...

212
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:46,421
...and discovers that light
behaves like particles too.

213
00:11:49,058 --> 00:11:51,583
Well, I didn't make it worse.

214
00:11:52,895 --> 00:11:54,556
Oh, I'm so sorry I'm such a mess.

215
00:11:54,730 --> 00:11:57,426
And on top of everything else,
I'm all gross from moving...

216
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,329
...and my stupid shower doesn't work.

217
00:11:59,502 --> 00:12:01,663
Our shower works.

218
00:12:02,271 --> 00:12:04,501
Really?. Would it be totally weird
if I used it?.

219
00:12:04,673 --> 00:12:05,697
-Yes.
-No.

220
00:12:05,875 --> 00:12:06,899
-No?.
-No.

221
00:12:07,076 --> 00:12:08,304
No.

222
00:12:08,711 --> 00:12:10,110
It's right down the hall.

223
00:12:10,279 --> 00:12:11,473
Okay, thanks.

224
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,239
You guys are really sweet.

225
00:12:19,722 --> 00:12:22,589
Well, this is an interesting development.

226
00:12:25,294 --> 00:12:26,318
LEONARD:
How so?.

227
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:27,826
SHELDON:
It has been some time...

228
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,864
...since we've had a woman
take her clothes off in our apartment.

229
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:33,024
That's not true.
Remember at Thanksgiving...

230
00:12:33,202 --> 00:12:36,262
...my grandmother with Alzheimer's
had that episode?.

231
00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:41,273
Point taken. It has been some time since
we've had a woman take her clothes off...

232
00:12:41,444 --> 00:12:44,106
...after which
we didn't wanna rip our eyes out.

233
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:48,506
The worst part
was watching her carve that turkey.

234
00:12:48,9

51 --> 00:12:52,717
So, what exactly
are you trying to accomplish here?.

235
00:12:52,888 --> 00:12:54,014
Excuse me?.

236
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,784
That woman in there
is not going to have sex with you.

237
00:12:56,959 --> 00:12:58,950
Well, I'm not trying to have sex with her.

238
00:12:59,128 --> 00:13:01,824
Oh, good.
Then you won't be disappointed.

239
00:13:01,997 --> 00:13:04,329
What makes you think
she wouldn't have sex with me?.

240
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,468
I'm a male and she's a female.

241
00:13:06,969 --> 00:13:10,063
Yes, but not of the same species.

242
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:12,332
I'm not gonna engage
in hypotheticals here.

243
00:13:12,508 --> 00:13:16,205
-I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.
-Oh, of course.

244
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:19,438
That's not to say that
if a carnal relationship were to develop...

245
00:13:19,615 --> 00:13:22,106
...that I wouldn't participate.

246
00:13:23,419 --> 00:13:24,886
However briefly.

247
00:13:26,121 --> 00:13:28,385
Do you think this possibility
will be hindered...

248
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:32,425
...when she discovers your Luke Skywalker
"no more tears" shampoo?.

249
00:13:33,162 --> 00:13:35,630
It's Darth Vader shampoo.

250
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:36,856
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]

251
00:13:37,032 --> 00:13:39,398
Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.

252
00:13:41,303 --> 00:13:43,828
-Wait till you see this.
-It's fantastic. Unbelievable.

253
00:13:44,006 --> 00:13:45,098
See what?.

254
00:13:46,308 --> 00:13:50,540
It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MlT
in 1 974.

255
00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:51,907
This isn't a good time.

256
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,208
[lMlTATlNG COMPUTERlZED VOlCE]
It's before he became...

257
00:13:54,383 --> 00:13:56,214
...a creepy computer voice.

258
00:13:58,220 --> 00:14:00,085
-That's great, you guys have to go.
-Why?.

259
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,248
-It's just not a good time.
-Leonard has a lady over.

260
00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:06,693
[lN NORMAL VOlCE] Yeah, right.
Your grandmother back in town?.

261
00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:09,521
No.

262
00:14:09,698 --> 00:14:12,189
And she's not a lady,
she's just a new neighbor.

263
00:14:12,368 --> 00:14:15,098
Hang on, there really is a lady here?.

264
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,738
-Uh-huh.
-And you want us out...

265
00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,931
...because you're anticipating coitus?.

266
00:14:19,508 --> 00:14:22,306
-I'm not anticipating coitus.
-So she's available for coitus?.

267
00:14:22,478 --> 00:14:24,946
Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?.

268
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,742
Technically,
that would be coitus interruptus.

269
00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:31,577
Hey, is there a trick
to getting it to switch from tub to shower?.

270
00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:33,551
Oh, hi, sorry.

271
00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:35,0

53
Hello.

272
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:38,622
Enchanté, mademoiselle.

273
00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:43,423
Howard Wolowitz,
CalTech Department of Applied Physics.

274
00:14:43,599 --> 00:14:45,464
You may be familiar
with some of my work.

275
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,102
It's currently orbiting
Jupiter's largest moon...

276
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:51,103
...taking high-resolution
digital photographs.

277
00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:54,808
Penny. I work at
The Cheesecake Factory.

278
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,002
-I'll show you the trick with the shower.
-Okay.

279
00:14:57,179 --> 00:14:58,771
[SPEAKS lN FRENCH]

280
00:14:58,948 --> 00:15:00,415
I'm sorry?.

281
00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:02,210
It's French for "good shower."

282
00:15:02,384 --> 00:15:05,148
It's a sentiment I can express
in six languages.

283
00:15:05,921 --> 00:15:08,515
Save it for your blog, Howard.

284
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,520
[SPEAKS lN FORElGN LANGUAGE]

285
00:15:15,931 --> 00:15:18,161
LEONARD: All right, there it goes.
It sticks, I'm sorry.

286
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:19,995
-Okay, thanks.
-You're welcome.

287
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,194
Oh, you're just gonna step right--?. Okay.

288
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:25,633
PENNY: Hey, Leonard?.
-The hair products are Sheldon's.

289
00:15:25,808 --> 00:15:26,968
PENNY:
Okay.

290
00:15:27,142 --> 00:15:31,044
-Um, can I ask you a favor?.
-A favor?.

291
00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:34,444
Sure, you could ask me a favor.
I would do you a favor for you.

292
00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:39,313
-It's okay if you say no.
-Oh, I'll probably say yes.

293
00:15:39,588 --> 00:15:43,649
It's just not the kind of thing
you ask a guy you just met.

294
00:15:43,826 --> 00:15:45,453
Wow.

295
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:53,866
I really think we should examine
the chain of causality here.

296
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,264
-Must we?.
-Event A:

297
00:15:55,437 --> 00:15:57,496
A beautiful woman
stands naked in our shower.

298
00:15:57,673 --> 00:16:01,006
Event B: We drive halfway across town
to retrieve a television set...

299
00:16:01,176 --> 00:16:03,371
...from the aforementioned woman's
ex-boyfriend.

300
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:07,140
Query: On what plane of existence
is there even a semi-rational link...

301
00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:09,341
...between these events?.

302
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,384
She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.

303
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:15,022
Well, that may be the proximal cause
of our journey...

304
00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:17,624
...but we both know it exists
in contradistinction...

305
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:19,727
...to the higher-level distal cause.

306
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,728
-Which is?.
-You think with your penis.

307
00:16:23,265 --> 00:16:26,393
That's a biological impossibility,
and you didn't have to come.

308
00:16:26,5

68 --> 00:16:29,765
Oh, yes. I could have stayed behind
to watch Wolowitz hit on Penny...

309
00:16:29,938 --> 00:16:32,270
...in Russian, Arabic and Farsi.

310
00:16:32,441 --> 00:16:34,341
And why can't she get her own TV?.

311
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:36,444
Come on, you know how it is
with breakups.

312
00:16:36,612 --> 00:16:38,910
No, I don't, and neither do you.

313
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,140
But l-- I broke up with Joyce Kim.

314
00:16:41,316 --> 00:16:44,774
You did not break up with Joyce Kim.
She defected to North Korea.

315
00:16:44,953 --> 00:16:47,513
To mend her broken heart.

316
00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,650
This situation is much less complicated.

317
00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:55,490
There's some dispute
between Penny and her ex-boyfriend...

318
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,325
...as to who gets custody of the TV.

319
00:16:57,499 --> 00:17:01,230
-She just wanted to avoid a scene with him.
-So we get to have a scene with him?.

320
00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:03,894
No, Sheldon,
there's not going to be a scene.

321
00:17:04,073 --> 00:17:05,734
There's two of us and one of him.

322
00:17:05,908 --> 00:17:08,934
Leonard, the two of us
can't even carry a TV.

323
00:17:10,746 --> 00:17:13,681
So you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon
at the university?.

324
00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:21,788
I'm sorry, do you speak English?.

325
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:25,017
Oh, he speaks English.
He just can't speak to women.

326
00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:27,160
Really?. Why?.

327
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:29,092
He's kind of a nerd.

328
00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:33,391
Juice box?.

329
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,474
-I'll do the talking.
MAN: Yeah?

330
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,236
-Hi. I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
-Hello.

331
00:17:43,412 --> 00:17:44,845
What did I just--?.

332
00:17:46,715 --> 00:17:49,548
-We're here to pick up Penny's TV.
-Get lost.

333
00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:51,083
Okay, thanks for your time.

334
00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:54,745
-We're not gonna give up just like that.
-Leonard, the TV's in the building.

335
00:17:54,923 --> 00:17:57,915
We've been denied access to the building,
ergo we are done.

336
00:17:58,093 --> 00:18:01,961
Excuse me. If I were to give up at the first
hitch, I never would have identified...

337
00:18:02,131 --> 00:18:06,067
...the fingerprints of string theory
in the aftermath of the big bang.

338
00:18:06,802 --> 00:18:09,032
My apologies. What's your plan?.

339
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:25,747
It's just a privilege
to watch your mind at work.

340
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,323
Come on,
we have a combined lQ of 360.

341
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:32,551
We should be able to figure out
how to get into a stupid building.

342
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,454
[BUZZES]

343
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:40,026
-What do you think their combined lQ is?.
-Just gr

ab the door.

344
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,902
LEONARD:
This is it.

345
00:18:44,606 --> 00:18:45,766
I'll do the talking.

346
00:18:45,941 --> 00:18:48,637
Good thinking, I'll just be the muscle.

347
00:18:55,784 --> 00:18:58,981
-Yeah?.
-I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.

348
00:18:59,154 --> 00:19:00,951
From the intercom.

349
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:04,725
How the hell did you get in the building?.

350
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,294
We're scientists.

351
00:19:09,131 --> 00:19:11,429
Tell him about our lQ.

352
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,073
-Leonard.
-What?.

353
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:28,444
-My mom bought me those pants.
-I'm sorry.

354
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,143
You're gonna have to call her.

355
00:19:33,655 --> 00:19:36,556
Sheldon, I am so sorry
I dragged you through this.

356
00:19:36,725 --> 00:19:40,957
It's okay. It wasn't my first pantsing
and it won't be my last.

357
00:19:41,129 --> 00:19:42,790
And you were right about my motives.

358
00:19:42,965 --> 00:19:45,729
I was hoping to establish
a relationship with Penny...

359
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:49,132
...that might have someday led to sex.

360
00:19:49,738 --> 00:19:52,229
SHELDON:
Well, you got me out of my pants.

361
00:19:53,642 --> 00:19:57,134
Anyway, I've learned my lesson.
She's out of my league, I'm done with her.

362
00:19:57,312 --> 00:19:58,506
I've got my work.

363
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,615
One day I'll win the Nobel Prize
and then I'll die alone.

364
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:04,843
Don't think like that.
You're not going to die alone.

365
00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:07,989
Thank you, Sheldon.
You're a good friend.

366
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:12,025
SHELDON: And you're certainly
not gonna win a Nobel Prize.

367
00:20:12,561 --> 00:20:16,361
This is one of my favorite places
to kick back after a quest.

368
00:20:16,531 --> 00:20:18,328
They have a great house ale.

369
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,524
PENNY:
Wow, cool tiger.

370
00:20:19,701 --> 00:20:22,636
Yeah, I've had him since Level 1 0.

371
00:20:22,905 --> 00:20:24,805
His name is Buttons.

372
00:20:25,374 --> 00:20:27,433
Anyway, if you had
your own game character...

373
00:20:27,609 --> 00:20:30,510
...we could hang out,
maybe go on a quest.

374
00:20:30,679 --> 00:20:33,978
-That sounds interesting.
-So you'll think about it?.

375
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,879
Oh, I don't think
I'll be able to stop thinking about it.

376
00:20:38,854 --> 00:20:40,583
Smooth.

377
00:20:42,524 --> 00:20:45,425
-We're home.
-Oh, my God. What happened?.

378
00:20:45,594 --> 00:20:51,226
Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards
and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.

379
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,526
I'm so sorry.

380
00:20:52,701 --> 00:20:56,159
I really thought if you guys went
instead of me he wouldn't be such an ass.

381

00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,930
No, it was a valid hypothesis.

382
00:20:58,106 --> 00:21:01,337
That was a valid hypo--?.
What is happening to you?.

383
00:21:01,877 --> 00:21:04,971
Really, thank you so much
for going and trying.

384
00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:08,674
You just-- You're so terrific.

385
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:14,049
Why don't you put some clothes on,
I'll get my purse, and dinner is on me, okay?.

386
00:21:14,222 --> 00:21:15,416
-Really?. Great.
-Thank you.

387
00:21:15,590 --> 00:21:16,818
Okay.

388
00:21:21,930 --> 00:21:24,330
You're not done with her, are you?.

389
00:21:25,334 --> 00:21:28,428
Our babies will be smart and beautiful.

390
00:21:30,305 --> 00:21:32,739
Not to mention imaginary.

391
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,580
-ls Thai food okay with you, Penny?.
-Sure.

392
00:21:40,749 --> 00:21:42,740
We can't have Thai,
we had lndian for lunch.

393
00:21:42,918 --> 00:21:45,352
-So?.
-They're both curry-based cuisines.

394
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,216
-So?.
-lt would be gastronomically redundant.

395
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:51,826
I can see we're going to have to
spell out everything for this girl.

396
00:21:52,594 --> 00:21:54,653
Any ideas, Raj?.

397
00:21:56,264 --> 00:21:58,528
Turn left on Lake Street
and head up to Colorado.

398
00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:01,328
I know a wonderful little sushi bar
that has karaoke.

399
00:22:01,503 --> 00:22:03,471
Oh, that sounds like fun.

400
00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:07,341
[SlNGlNG "BABY DON'T GET
HOOKED ON ME"]

401
00:22:15,984 --> 00:22:18,316
I don't know your odds
in the world as a whole...

402
00:22:18,487 --> 00:22:22,753
...but as far as the population of this car
goes, you're a veritable mac daddy.

403
00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:53,411
[ENGLlSH SDH]