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FriendsS02E13

1
Previously on Friends....

2
I tracked down Marcel. And get this:

3
He's here in New York filming
Outbreak 2: The Virus Takes Manhattan.

4
Hey, buddy! Marcel!

5
Excuse me, this is a

6
Closed set. We know.
But we're friends with the monkey.

7
Good morning.

8
Look who I brought!

9
Your old friend, Harry Elafonte!

10
Whoa, dude. Burn!

11
I don't get it.

12
He seemed so happy
to see me yesterday.

13
Don't take it personal. He's under
pressure, starring in a movie and all.

14
How big of a star is Marcel?

15
In human terms? I'd say...

16
... Cybill Shepherd.

17
So you guys in the movie
or you just really paranoid?

18
Hey, Sal?

19
Jerry wants to know
if the monkey's ready.

20
Excuse me?

21
Jerry is the director?
Which one's he?

22
-The one in the director's chair?
-Gotcha.

23
Pheebs, walk with me.

24
Why am I walking with you?

25
We're just going over here
so that we can get away from...

26
...the horrible flesh-eating virus!

27
For the love of God, woman,
listen to me!

28
Is he looking? Is he looking?

29
The One With the Super Bowl, Part 2

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-We've got a problem.
-Tell me.

31
I can't do Chris' makeup.

32
She refuses to acknowledge
her mustache.

33
-ls it bad?
-lt looks like her eyebrow fell down.

34
Unless we convince her
to let me bleach it...

35
...Van Damme will be
making out with Gabe Kaplan.

36
I'll talk to her.

37
I hate actors.

38
Nice camouflage. For a minute there,
I almost didn't see you.

39
Excuse me.

40
Is your name Chandler?

41
Yes, it is.

42
Chandler Bing.

43
Do you know me or are you
just really good at this game?

44
I'm Susie Moss.

45
Fourth grade? Glasses?

46
I carried a box of
animal crackers like a purse?

47
Susie Moss!

48
Right! Yeah! Wow!

49
You look....

50
Great job growing up.

51
It's nice to see you don't still
wear the cap with the mirrors on it.

52
I graduated fourth grade
and realized I wasn't a pimp.

53
Remember the class play?

54
You pulled up my skirt and the
entire auditorium saw my underpants?

55
Yes. Back then, I used humor
as a defense mechanism.

56
Thank God I don't do that anymore.

57
-Oh, my God!
-What? What?

58
It's Jean-Claude Van Damme.

59
I didn't know he was in
this movie. He is so hot!

60
You think?

61
The Muscles from Brussels?
Wham-Bam-Van-Damme?

62
Did you see Time Cop?

63
No. Was he any good in it?

64
Rachel, he totally changed time!

65
So why don't you go talk to him?

66
Go tell him he's cute.
What's the worst that could happen?

67
He could hear me.

68
-I'm doing it for you.
-Don't you dare! Don't!

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Don't!

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Tell him I cook!

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Excuse me.

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This is gonna sound kind of goofy...

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... but my friend over there...

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...who cooks, by the way....

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She thinks you're cute.

76
You d

on't think I'm cute?

77
I don't know.

78
Do you think you're cute?

79
We're getting off the track.
I was supposed to tell you...

80
... my friend thinks you're cute.

81
What should I tell her?

82
You can tell her
I think her friend is cute.

83
-Makeup!
-That's me. I gotta go.

84
How many times must I touch you on
the arm before you ask me on a date?

85
Well, let's try one more.

86
There you go. Ernie's, 8:00?

87
I'll be there.

88
And if things go well,
maybe this time...

89
... I'll get to see your underwear.

90
No one was around to hear that?

91
So what'd he say?

92
What a jerk!

93
I kept talking about you,
and he kept asking me out.

94
Naturally, you know, I said no.

95
Thanks, anyway.

96
He just kept asking...

97
...and asking, asking, asking....

98
If you want to go out
with him, you can.

99
Sounds like a jerk to me, but

100
Jean-Claude, she said yes!
I'll see you tonight!

101
Thank you.

102
Then Jean-Claude took me
to Crossroads...

103
...and we hung out
with Drew Barrymore.

104
Oh, man. She's so smokin'!

105
She's got the greatest set of

106
No guys around, huh?

107
-Does anybody need anything?
-I'll have an espresso.

108
I'll get it.

109
If I ask you to, you'll end up
drinking it yourself.

110
-That is so unfair.
-I know.

111
Like you'd drink her coffee after
what you did to her with Van Damme?

112
I have to cancel racquetball tonight.

113
Marcel's trainer will let me
have him for a couple of hours.

114
You're blowing me off for a monkey?

115
We can reschedule for Saturday.

116
Unless you hook up
with a bunch of pigeons.

117
Stick a fork in me...

118
... I am done!

119
Stick a fork what?

120
Like when you're cooking a steak.

121
I don't eat meat.

122
How do you know vegetables are done?

123
Well, you don't.
You eat them and you can tell.

124
Okay, then eat me, I'm done!

125
I've met the perfect woman.

126
We're sitting on her couch,
fooling around...

127
...and then she turns to me and says:

128
"Did you ever want to do it
in an elevator?"

129
What did you say?

130
I believe my exact words were....

131
How do you know if you wanna do that?

132
You just know.

133
We gotta go.
Got a reservation in 30 minutes.

134
What I had planned shouldn't take
more than two, three minutes, tops.

135
Two hundred seconds of passion!
We gotta go.

136
But...

137
... here's an idea.

138
Have you ever worn women's underwear?

139
Well, yes, actually...

140
... but they were my Aunt Edna's.

141
And there were three of us in there.

142
I was thinking
it would be kind of sexy...

143
...if you wore mine tonight
at dinner.

144
You want me to wear your panties?

145
Could you?

146
If I was wearing your underwear...

147
...then what would you be wearing?

148
You'r

e swell!

149
I made Marcel's favorite dish,
banana cake...

150
...with mealworm.

151
Candle.

152
What do you think's
gonna happen here tonight?

153
Hi, are you on your way over

154
No, I understand.
A monkey's gotta work.

155
It's no big deal.

156
It's not like I had
anything special planned.

157
Rachel, why don't you
start talking first?

158
I feel that this is
totally unjustified.

159
She gave me the green light,
I did nothing

160
Do you think I can't
see you in the TV set?

161
If there's something
you'd like to share

162
You had no right to date him!

163
-That's the most ridiculous
-You sold me out!

164
-I did not!
-You absolutely

165
Would you let me talk!

166
Did you just flick me?

167
Well, you wouldn't let me
finish and I was

168
That hurt!

169
Quit flicking!

170
Stop flicking!

171
You flicked me first!

172
Let's not do this!

173
Happy thoughts!

174
Now I'm gonna kick some ass!

175
All right. Now, I will
let go if you both stop.

176
You want me to stop seeing him?

177
You want me to just tell him
you're seeing him instead?

178
Is that what you want?

179
That's what you want?

180
-Fine!
-Fine!

181
There we go.

182
If we were in prison,
you guys would be, like, my bitches.

183
Thanks for letting me tag along.

184
Forget about it.

185
How you doing there, squirmy?

186
I'm hanging in.

187
And a little out.

188
So assistant to the director?

189
That's an exciting job. You must
have a ton of responsibilities

190
I don't do the casting.

191
So what are you guys gonna eat?

192
How come all I can think about is
putting that ice in my mouth...

193
...and licking you all over?

194
Because I went to an all-boys high
school, and God is making up for it?

195
I want you right here...

196
... right now.

197
Right now, right here?

198
Don't you think we're in
kind of a public place?

199
They do have the shrimp.

200
Meet me in the bathroom.

201
I'm going to the bathroom now.

202
Come on.

203
All right, mister.

204
Let's see those panties.

205
Alrighty.

206
But you know what
would be even sexier?

207
What?

208
If you didn't have
your shirt tucked into them.

209
All right. Now, I would like
to see you wearing nothing but them.

210
Take your clothes off.

211
I hope you realize this means
we'll miss hearing about the specials.

212
Come on, hurry!

213
Do you want this done quick
or done right?

214
All right, turn around.
I wanna see you from behind.

215
Somebody's been doing
his Buns of Steel video.

216
So you want me
to clench anything or...?

217
Susie?

218
This is for the fourth grade.

219
-What do you mean?
-What do I mean?

220
What do I mean?!

221
I mean underpants, mister!
That's what I mean!

222
What? What do you mean?

223
My skirt.

..

224
...you lifted. IKids laughing!

225
I was Susie Underpants till I was 18!

226
That was in fourth grade!
How could you still be upset?

227
Call me in 20 years and tell me
if you're still upset about this.

228
I hope you realize you're not
getting these underpants back!

229
I can't believe this.

230
Just two weeks ago,
I was watching Sudden Death...

231
...and now I'm on a date
with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

232
Can you beat up that guy?

233
-Can you beat up that guy?
-Sure.

234
This is so wild.

235
I gotta admit, I was surprised
that you agreed to go on a blind date.

236
Normally, I would not do it.

237
What made you make
the exception for me?

238
Rachel told me...

239
...you were dying to have a threesome
with me and Drew Barrymore.

240
By the way, Drew has
some ground rules and....

241
Say you're sorry!

242
Say it!

243
No! I'm not gonna!

244
Say it! Say it!
Great!

245
Say you're sorry
or your sweater gets it.

246
That is my favorite sweater!
That is my third-date sweater!

247
Say you're sorry.

248
You wanna play?
Okay, let's play.

249
Let's play.

250
What'll you do?

251
Give me back my sweater
or it's handbag marinara.

252
You don't have the guts.

253
Yeah? At least I wasn't too chicken
to tell some guy he was cute.

254
Stop! Stop the madness!

255
This is crazy!

256
Who can remember why
you're fighting in the first place?

257
Yes, that's right.

258
But still....

259
Look at your purse!

260
Look at your sweater!

261
Look at yourselves!

262
I'll help you fix your sweater.

263
I'll help you...

264
...throw out your purse.

265
I'm sorry I made you stop seeing him.

266
I'm sorry I went out with him
when I knew you liked him.

267
I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.

268
Joey?

269
Ma?

270
What are you doing here?
I thought you guys took off.

271
She took off with my clothes!

272
-Are you naked in there?
-Well, not exactly.

273
I'm wearing panties.

274
You always wear panties?

275
No, no. This is the first time.

276
Talk about your bad luck!

277
The first time you try panties and
someone walks off with your clothes.

278
I was not trying them out.
Susie asked me to wear them.

279
Let me see!

280
No! I'm not letting you
or anybody else see, ever!

281
All right, all right!

282
Someone's flossing!

283
Joey, some people don't like that.

284
Chandler's wearing panties.

285
What?

286
-Let me see!
-You don't have to see!

287
Hi, tushy!

288
One of you give me your underpants.

289
I'm not wearing any.

290
How can you not be wearing any?

291
I'm getting heat from the guy
in the hot pink thong.

292
Look, Ross. I'll give you
$50 for your underpants.

293
-Can I have the milk?
-I'm almost done with it.

294
Keep your panties on.

295
And I'm in the movie!


296
-What happened?
-A virus victim called in sick...

297
...so Cathy recommended me and boom!
I'm dying on a gurney!

298
Marcel just finished his last scene,
if you wanna go say goodbye.

299
That's okay. He's probably
got parties to go to and stuff.

300
He's moved on.
That's the way it goes, right?

301
Oh, my God!

302
What?

303
Looks like we made it

304
Left each other on the way...

305
... to another love

306
Looks like we made it

307
Or I thought so, till today

308
Until you were there, everywhere

309
And all I could taste was
Love the way we made it

310
Looks like we made it

311
I think I want to write
a song about all this.

312
Except one of the strings
on my guitar is broken.

313
Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?

314
-How long you been waiting to say that?
-About 20 minutes!

315
Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!

316
Cut!

317
Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!

318
Cut!

319
Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!

320
Mommy!

321
Can't you see what's going on?
This man is dead!



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